Saturday, 16 June 2007

Kid's guidelines to a healthier living.

Leisure time is something, other than the pool, that I’ve been swimming freely in for the past few days. And what one does during his or her leisure time is of the least consequence to me. Unless, that is, I were curious to know about the person’s hobbies and all that sort of a thing. Anyhow, I, for one, have taken to forming deep, thoughtful thoughts and turning them over and over, thoughtfully that too, to see if they were ripe enough. You see, I’d recently read an article on how the children are the future of a country. And as far as what I’ve seen of the Indian kids, those little blighters, and consequently, our future, didn’t seem so bright. So, what with being a responsible Indian and all, I’ve dedicated my intelligence into specifying some guidelines on various topics, ranging from education to sports, which if the kids follow, will enable 95.4% of them to live a safe and healthy life which is exactly what is needed to safeguard the Indian future. There is always a 4.6% chance, of course, that some kids will be so stupid as to read the guidelines and still not follow them to contribute to a bright future. And, frankly, I couldn’t care less.

  1. On Education: Education is something every kid should have. Schools and other such institutions, which brag about imparting quality education, are a necessary part of every human being’s life. Because only through them we get a practice of heaving huge weights on the shoulders. This makes sure that when the kid grows up; his back is not broken due to the huge responsibilities he’ll be taking up. Also, the bullies help mould a child’s character. It teaches him how to deal with the government later on in the life. Also, we can learn a lot by watching other people commit mistakes. Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so. So, the bottom-line is: Do not say no to school. Become a bully and have fun.

  2. On Sports: After learning, which stimulated the mind, we need to delve on sports, which stimulate the body. Having a strong body is also necessary. Wrestling, as a sport, should be taken up. It comes of immense help during riots and demonstrations. Also it’s a great service to put others in the hospitals and give your contribution towards helping to reduce the population. Football is another sport I recommend, if only to learn how to kick other people’s shins and balls while keeping yours safe. Enormously helpful, you know, if you join the parliament later on.

  3. On drugs: Drugs are bad. Real bad. Well, that is, unless you’re the seller. In which case, it helps you make a lot of money and lead a rich, quality life. So, if you ever meet a drug peddler trying to trick you into buying the white stuff, use the skills you must have honed on the sports field on him. And sell the stuff yourself.

  4. On the internet: Internet is a very good thing. The greatest thing since bread came sliced, as some would say. Or digital watches, as Douglas Adams would prefer. It’s a storehouse of knowledge and entertainment. But it also poses a serious threat to the young, raw minds of the kids. There are lots of predators out there, who get children to tell them their names and address and then do bad nasty things to them. The only cure is to lie shamelessly and avoid the chat rooms and the forums at all costs. Also, tell your parents about everything you do and talk about online. Everything except porn. That’s personal.

I wish I could lecture the kids more about how to lead a wonderful, healthy and safe life but now I have to pop off to meet this really cute girl I met in an online chat room about a month ago. She’s very charming and funny. But I do wonder why she wants to meet me in that abandoned villa. But hey, what the hell!


ब्रह्मकमळ said...

LOL! That was brilliant. I enjoy the cynicism.

Saagar said...

Really good post Pulki. Tell me if you made it back from the villa.

The Grin Reaper said...

@ Saagar:
I don't really remember what happened there. Last thing I have a memory of was a sweet-smelling handkerchief over my nose. Now there's a pain in the ass. :(