Demo(n)cracy

Democracy is a wonderful thing, you know. I mean, what with all the power residing with the public and all. Amazing stuff, I tell you. Everything is decided by majority. And India being the largest democracy in the world, it kinda makes me feel a bit proud to be an Indian. And to top it all, India also embraces other pretty charming virtues what with all the secularism and the Constitutional Freedoms and Rights given to everyone. Pretty good stuff, I tell you. And to add to all this nationalist fervour, we also sing songs about unity in diversity and stuff. You know, lots of people speaking various different lingos and having various customs etc etc living together rather chummily. And obviously I, as an ardent Indian, have to feel it as my foremost duty to maintain the what-do-you-call-it of my country. Oh yeah, the word I was looking for back there was “national integrity”. And hey, who has the guts to stop me from performing my duties with the utmost zeal.

So, one day I was happily chomping upon a delicious burger in the local Mc Donald’s outlet when my superior powers of observation made me notice that the mayonnaise was thickly spread between a layer of fresh tomatoes on the top and a layer of lettuce leaves at the bottom. Seeing this, I turned sick with the grotesque horror of it all. I mean to say that any Indian, when he realizes, that he was, in fact, eating something that bore the likeness of the what’s-it-called, the Tiranga, our national flag, which is the foremost symbol representing our nation’s integrity and all that sort of thing, should feel infuriated with the prospect. Immediately, I gathered a few of my like-minded mates and after stoning the Mc Donald outlet, burning a few effigies and calling a bandh for a few days, decided to take the matters to the court which ordered the Mc Donalds’ to discontinue the use of anything of the colours red, green and white in their burgers. My mates and I were feeling cheerily upped by this decision and what with the fact that we successfully defended the national integrity and all that sort of things. Doing my great country a service, you know.

Anyhow, after watching the terrifying spectacle of the Indian cricket team losing to Bangladesh, it brought about another surge of the nationalistic zeal in me. I mean, cricket is a religion here. And its purity and sanctity had been desecrated by a bunch of losers who dared to call themselves Indian cricketers. And the very notion of losing against a team representing a nation who we helped rescue and build quite a few decades ago is totally appalling. So, I, with a few of my chums, after having stoned the cricketers’ residences, burnt their bats, crushed their balls and stomped on their effigies, came back home feeling pretty happy with myself. You know, like morning sunshine and all that. I mean, we were doing a great favour to our country. Our motherland, if you are into that patriotic kinda stuff and all. Pretty rummy thing, I tell you.

And that’s when I realized that the power really was vested in the public. I mean if we all stood up and united and stoned and burned and made our displeasure known to those concerned, India does take heed. And what with my photos having made to all the front pages and the news channels. Why, that interviewer chick from that what-was-it news channel looked pretty hot, eh? Anyhow, I would have written more about my nationalist feelings but I’ve just seen the disgraceful Happydent advert. I mean, it’s a shame to portray human beings as lamps, you know. What with all the serfdom and the right to human rights stuff. Blatant slavery, I tell you. Maybe I’ll see you after I’ve stoned the residences of the creator of that advert and burnt their effigies. Because, frankly, if that isn’t the proper use of the Freedom of Expression, then I don’t know what is.