Last night the Seven Wonders of the World were unveiled in Lisbon, Portugal. After months of frantic clicking, texting, urging others, advertising, egging and did I mention clicking and texting, by several millions of people all over the world, the list was democratically decided. And guess what? India’s very own Taj Mahal is listed amongst them. Clap clap and all that sort of a thing. And do I feel proud? Oh, hell, yeah! I’m proud about the fact that there are so many people having internet connections in India. I’m proud that there are so many cell phone users in India. I’m overly proud of the fact that so many Indians know how to set up proxy IPs so that they can vote multiple times in a row. I’m also proud of the fact that so many Indians have nothing to do but vote all day long i.e. they have no life. Oh yeah, I’m full of national pride alright. Waah Taj Waah! I’m very sure a certain tea-packaging company in India will be very delighted with all this. Will it be too much to expect free tea packets from them?
But then, if every other NGO could decide upon the Seven Wonders of the World, why can’t I? I mean it’s a democracy, right? Everyone has the right to say and express. Now, I’m not one of those who express themselves by burning stuff in public and throwing stones at public property. But I like to express myself using words. After all, it is rightly said that a keyboard is mightier than a sword. Or was it a pen? Hmm… so, here goes my very own Seven Wonders of the World list:
- Bollywood, the Indian movie production house: Bollywood is definitely the biggest Wonder of the World. It’s essentially composed of mindless maniacal monkeys who shamelessly filch from the Hollywood and still come out with stuff that stinks. And what’s more. It’s the second largest movie production house in the world. A place where beauties and booties matter more than acting skills (the only other place where this happens are porn films) and a science fiction movie essentially consists of the actors and actresses dancing around planets instead of trees, how can it not be a Wonder of the World. Or of many worlds for that matter.
- Al Qaeda terrorist network: Oh yes, them. The second biggest pain-in-the-ass organisation after the United Nations Organisation, they certainly deserve to be a wonder of the world. After all, how can anything that can survive all the incessant bombings and invasion by the supreme military power of the world, the U.S. of A., and is led by someone who apparently has total kidney failure and still lives (or does he?), not be awarded with such a prestigious honour? Face of all terrorism in the world that too. Wonder-ful!
- U.S.A: Which should actually be rechristened to the Universal Security Agency, it upholds the preservation of democracy and freedom all over the world as its sole right and reason to invade other countries. With such supreme intelligence provided by the F. to the B.I. and the C. to the I.A. and headed by a President who says things like “Well, I think if you say you're going to do something and don't do it, that's trustworthiness.” and “Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we.” I cannot imagine how can they not be the most powerful nation in the whole wide world. Or “www” if you like.
- Government: The most powerful congregation of liars. Ever. The perfect con-artists, they entrance their voters with false hopes and fantastical illusions in such a way that they actually get voted to determine the policy for the people. Which, ultimately, involves their own benefits rather than of those who voted for them. For such a menagerie of chair-loving-and-betrayer-of-trust people, being called a Wonder of the World is a very small honour to bestow upon. I would rather recommend a personal tour of the major prisons of the world where they can experience first-hand the pleasure of living off taxpayer’s hard-earned money. Which they do anyway.
- Me: Oh, this is my narcissist and egocentric self speaking. I think I’m the best in the world. Apart from Ricky Kaka, that is. I so rock! I’m truly a wonder of the world.
- You, the reader of my blog: I love you guys. Specially the beautiful girls. You all are wonders of the world. Please comment freely on the blog to make sure you’re not removed from the list. And earn my wrath in the process.
- The Taj Mahal: This is just my national pride speaking. Not to mention, the fear of incurring the wrath of all my fellow Indian brothers who spent months clicking and texting. I wouldn’t want any effigies of myself burnt, would I? I really don’t want to cause global warming. Indirectly, that is.
PS: Saagar, I did not steal from your blog. I had written this quite a few days ago and was waiting for 07/07/07 to come around. Peace. In the world, that is…